oh how wrong we were to think that immortality meant never dying

I'm participating in The Wheel of Chaos in which we collectively pounce on our keyboards and become chaos gremlins for an unforeseen amount of time. Signups are here: link!

y'all. i just read a book that blew my mind and i've come to screech about it here after screeching about it on bluesky. it's Tradwife by TC Parker (link is to purchase the ebook direct as i did) (also her birthday was yesterday so it's a good time to treat yourself to it if it's your thing). it's political horror & crime fiction, so mind the trigger warnings and your mental readiness. it's written like sociology meets true crime, like nonfiction-y fiction, and all the decisions for how to communicate the story were perfect imo. i want to fangirl about it, especially one aspect of it, but this is one book which i will say it's absolutely IMPERATIVE to go into it spoiler-free (so don't read reviews). PM me if you have read it though because i need to fangirl about it to someone! TC Parker replied to my squee post on bluesky and i'm riding that high as well

another thing i did that made me happy is, i made a new friend!!! considering i am a post-college adult in my almost-30s that is no small feat. i went to a thrift meet-up, and i met her there; on this journal i'll call her Megs. she moved to my city recently and we exchanged instas. we hung out and talked about things we like, some of which we have in common: she likes k-dramas and said she'd like to watch one together. she lives quite close to me and i told her i have a viki subscription so let's goooo. she asked me if i like korean food, i said yes. i asked her if she wanted to eat at the korean restaurant with me and she said yes! she works freelance unlike me (i work 10 to 7) so sometimes she's free on weekdays but not on weekends. but it keeps changing and that variety should be conducive to scheduling things i think. we are meeting for lunch tomorrow!!!

( an aside )

i've been going out to eat on my own, going to do things on the weekends alone (even this thrift meetup i went to alone and was lucky enough to meet Megs there). but hanging out at the thrift meetup i was super happy because it was like i'd come with a friend. i found a few pieces i like. i bought a modal tank and a sports bra from Megs, and we realised we're the same clothing size and can borrow anything from each others' closets we played uno and jenga because there was a table with board games on it. there was also a little girl drawing, laminating and putting adhesive on stickers at the table and we bought two stickers each. there was another little girl selling her books, and their mothers discussed how they'd never put their girls in the regular school system, which made me jealous. Megs and i went up to the sustainable store to look at the goods, and she bought reusable bamboo straws, and i bought laundry and dishwashing soaps. we talked plenty and our silences weren't uncomfortable. i have been wishing for an irl friend to watch kdrama and fangirl with, so i'm happy!

there was also a cute guy at the thrift meetup. i was drowning in anxiety about going and talking to him because he was cute. eventually i managed it, and asked him whether he had come just to thrift or to meet people too. he said "ummmmmm……" and then he said he'd come to meet people too, but the length of his umm raised suspicions that he'd just come to thrift but was being polite or thought saying the truth would be awkward. he was friendly and extroverted which i realised can be more confusing than someone who is shy and clearly prefers their own company or some company over others. i followed him on instagram. his instagram was almost influencery in follower number, but my instagram is set to private, so i got confused when he followed me back, like did he want to meet people? so i texted him, saying it was fun talking to him, and he said same here, so i said do you like parks, and he said yeah everyone should like parks, and i said do you want to walk in one, and he said he'd love to but he'll never be able to schedule it which confirmed my initial suspicions and gave me closure.

i loved being reminded that i can be attracted to people, like that's not dead yet, nor is the hope that drives me to talk to them. and i didn't love feeling the social anxiety. but i felt the anxiety and did it anyway, and i do love that. i'm proud of me.